I went to the gym yesterday. (that's not the complain part, wait just a minute) Like usual, I took my kids to the nursery there. The employee-lady waiting by the sign-in list was a regular that I see in there frequently, but she turned to the kids and asked "Now what's your guys' names?" like they were new to the gym. I thought maybe she just hadn't heard their names before or something, so I told her their names. She was taken aback for a second, and said "Oh, I know you two, you come here a lot!" Then she turned to me and said this: "You're the girl that looks twelve and has two kids!" (so that's what the caregivers talk about when the parents aren't around -- the parents)
Twelve!! She didn't say seventeen or eighteen, you know, something that could be taken as a compliment while still conveying a sense of youthfulness. Instead it was prepubescent twelve (aka "the awkward phase")!!! Most of the time I'm pretty good about not comparing my scrawnyness and lack of curves to all the beautifully proportioned women out there (even at the gym -- where they are in abundance), but some days I just can't help it. And she turned yesterday into one of those days.
Whenever I have days like that, I inevitably have a moment of weakness where I consider surgery to "fix my problems". When I was younger, I thought I was just a "late bloomer", so I eagerly awaited something that I now know is never going to come at all. Can you say "disappointed"?! So sometimes that surgery sounds so nice. (anyone know of a surgery where they insert something into your thighs so that your knees aren't the widest point on your legs anymore? :) )
After my moments of weakness I sadly remind myself that that has to be out of the question. A few years ago during conference a couple of the general young women presidency and relief society ladies talked about it specifically and said "no!" "How can we build up our daughters' self-esteem and convince them to accept themselves," they said, "if we are so unsatisfied with ourselves that we have surgery to change our looks?" I just can't do it.
I've also thought, that would suck if I got it done and got used to how I looked and then after I died to have to go back to the old "perfect" me. :) I had better just get used to it.
But some days it's just hard.
There, thanks for letting me rant! (that went a little longer than I planned)
7 comments:
Okay, here is is. You don't look twelve! You might be able to pull off 18 - if they did not look into your eyes. You hold much to much wisdom, experience and maturity within your countenance to be accused of being just a teenager. And all of that good stuff? Can't get that with any surgery out there. That comes from living, and you have done enough of that to know just what a loved and lovable gal you are. So, there!
Well said, "Zoo Keeper Mom" (who used to be in my Ogden ward for a while... just FYI). I don't know if the employee was trying to compliment you or say you're too young to have kids, but come on! Twelve? And while I have lost some of my "twiggy-ness" in the WRONG places, I still get offended when people try to put you down for things you can't control. There. I guess I've added a Rant to your rant post. Sorry!
Thanks for the great visual of the resurrection, never thought of that before, there are going to be a lot of disappointed people. I guess that is why we are to find to true happiness not worldly happiness.
Thank you for this Elise! I have had a lot of the same issues about "late blooming", and I have always hated it. And have considered surgery as well! Thank you for putting it in a way that makes complete sense. You are amazing, and don't look 12 at all.
Elise, first of all, I loved the rant. And you really don't look 12 and especially not the "awkward" twelve.
On a side note, I had to laugh when I read this. Because I have always been on the side of, "Can I please cut off this junk in my thighs, hips, arms, waist? Can I trim myself here and there?!" I think we are never pleased with our bodies and the media and society really don't help. You've always been super gorgeous and slender (in a good way, the way I have always wanted to be tinier). It was really amusing to read this and hear that you weren't satisfied with the way you looked either!
I think for me, having health issues has been the best for helping me "sort of" deal with self-image and beauty issues. Suddenly I realized that those things don't really matter as much as being and feeling healthy. I think it is great that you exercise your body and get a "mental health" break from your kiddos while doing it. And if random people babies!! Which really, is amthink you look 12, maybe they just mean that your body looks great and no one would ever guess you had twoazing when you think about how much your body has gone through. Bodies are pretty dang amazing.
(Lastly, I loved the part about the resurrection. I often feel that way about "facial hair" or leg hair. You know the whole, "not a hair of your head will be lost" - I just think, "Oh dang it!!!)
All I can say Elise, is that I'll donate! You can have some of my EXTRA curvage!!! Then we'll both look the way we want to!.....or something like that. Lol. Love ya!
That is kind of annoying!! Sometimes people need to just stop and think before they say anything. And I agree you don't look 12!! Young (which is a good thing) but certainly not 12. Anyway, good for you for going to the gym....i could sure use some serious time at the gym...
I'm sure other women would die for your cute petite look. Trust me, i was totally jealous of you in high school...
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